Despite my shame and the lies that had made my mind their home, God, in His gentleness, was convicting me day in and day out. While I wanted to fix myself, for myself, by myself, God wanted my surrender. God wanted to give me His grace. But I wanted the credit and glory for my healing.
Viewing entries in
I've lived with severe depression for years and tried to take my life many times, but God wasn't done with me. Now, I use my story and my message to encourage others. If God wasn't done with me, he surely isn't done with you! Don't give up. Keep going. Keep pursuing God!
Life is hard but it’s also pretty amazing. When I’m going through the fire, when things are rough, I know who my God is and I know that I can trust him. During hard moments he so sweetly reminds me of Psalm 66:12:
“God will bring you through the fire”
I know God turned the ashes of my life into beauty to help others heal and return to the One who loved them first.
God continues to seek me with grace, compassion, gentleness, and love. I may still struggle with insecurity, anxiety, and selfishness, but he is daily molding me into the image I was designed to embody. What a wildly beautiful savior, and storywriter He is!
By the time I graduated college, I was a people pleaser who was living on a grand, gold pedestal that others had placed me on. I didn't know how to live life off of the pedestal until one day I came tumbling down.
I was caught in a deep hole that consumed me the more I tried to find value in materialistic things, but none of them satisfied. I was so worn down by the tragedies in my life. I became hopeless.
I was bitter, rude, and full of loss. I had lost sight of that happy little girl I once was. I’m sure I could’ve kept going down this road of insecurity and depression but God fiercely intervened: He had a different story for me.
Rejoicing doesn’t mean ignoring or being fake, and I think that’s a reason why we are afraid to rejoice sometimes. It’s like we aren’t validating ourselves. I am a firm believer in acknowledging what’s going on and being real, but not letting it control you. There’s a balance, and that’s where choosing joy comes into play.
My journey was hard, but I find so much happiness in the fact that God set me apart and trusted me to be able to endure this life. I love people. I love Jesus. And I hope everyone I encounter feels that. As I continue to walk in this freedom, I’ve found rest in obedience to God. I don't have it all together and I won't pretend to; I don’t have to. Because grace doesn’t mean that you’ll always get it right, it means that you’ll never be so wrong that you can’t be used.
Pain was a pit I often found myself in during this time, but love was the constant that pulled me out. I had set my course and devoted years to discovering what true love looks like.
It’s freeing to know that we aren’t the sum total of our bodies, our cliques, our relationship statuses, or our accomplishments. Our identities aren’t based on any item we can acquire or person we can build a relationship with, our identities are rooted and grounded in Christ alone. And when the storms of life come we can whether them well because we know who we are and whose we are.