There are so many moments in life that I look back upon like steps in a staircase. Some steps have been long, stretching for miles, while others have been quick hops taken with ease. I have seen the growth that comes from the stumbling, the hurting, and especially the healing.
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If God has taught me anything it’s that nothing is impossible for him. And no one, absolutely no one, is too far gone for his grace.
I have learned that Jesus is there to help us, of course, but he also uses the people around us. I’m changed because of my trusted friend who was able to love me, speak truth to me, and hold me accountable when I couldn’t do that for myself. And I’m so thankful for that.
When I was not rooted in the Lord, I found love, comfort, satisfaction, and worth in things and people that could never make me whole. I tried to take control of my life, pushing God to the side, but his love patiently pursued me. He remained constant and his arms were always opened wide to me, even when I rejected him again and again.
I haven’t arrived, but I am pressing. Prayer, seeking the Lord at His Word, and surrounding myself in community have been the very things that continually remind me that the Lord is good. I have learned that even during the weak points of my life, it’s all for my good and His glory, that in the end I may “count it all joy!”
I'm still not where I want to be, but I'm no longer who I was. God found me and chose me at my worst. I asked Him to give me a purpose, and He gave me something far more valuable: He gave me a love for His word and His son Jesus. And through it, I see the world so differently now.
I am a new creation because of God, and because of his servants who loved me through it all. I am forever grateful that God calls the most unequipped and loves on the unlovable. I am grateful for his everlasting love and grace that has been extended toward me.
Jesus gave me a space that was safe, whether I needed to worship or curse or laugh or cry out. He brought me into a place and restored my broken identity and my warped perceptions of him. In the quiet that tried to drown me, Jesus saved me.
The Lord has truly taught me that just because you are broken doesn’t mean that you are beyond repair. The Lord is great at turning broken pieces into a masterpiece for His glory.
Faith is still a hard and undeserved journey. I still wander through seasons of struggle and weep over the grace of the lessons learned therein. But oh, how thankful I am to worship the God of the mountains and seas. The One who finds us in showers and strangers’ homes in Seattle. The One whose mercy never fails.
My story is still being unveiled, moment by moment, but it’s been a journey from a state of complete brokenness to becoming whole.
My story is one of great redemption, great loss, and hope of a great future. It’s a messy story, full of brokenness yet still laced in the Fathers deep, deep love for me.
The Lord has called me to say ‘yes’ to where He leads me. I am not sure where I’ll end up or what I shall be doing, but I have an eternal ‘yes’ in my heart. My ways led to destruction, but I have learned that His way leads to life, joy, and everlasting hope.
I’ve started to shake off the labels that stick to me in exchange for one that shatters them all: HIS.I’ve spent a lot of time asking myself “How is my story going to help someone?” and, to sum it up, my story shows that God is for everyone.
It’s amazing how you can spot God everywhere when you’re on the lookout for him.
I’m still learning to believe that God is enough. That I am enough. And that my identity isn’t found in what I have or haven’t done, but in who He says that I am. I am grateful for true freedom, true forgiveness that keeps no record of wrong, and for a love that never stops pursuing me.
I no longer have to take on the identity of others but can remain grounded in what God says. I have found that embracing my true identity in Christ is exceedingly better than any counterfeit version someone can try to place on me.
One morning, while studying His word, I believe God spoke to me and said,
“I am your Husband. I can love you and will love you BETTER than any man on this earth ever will.”
That day, everything changed for me and I truly began to see God as my everything. I experienced his immense love for me in a new way and that began to change how I treated others. When I knew I was infinitely, intimately loved by the Lord, I could be free to love others well too.
God made me a gypsy soul. I was never meant to be captured by a man, led on, and abused, NONE of us are meant for that. And though I still don't understand why I had to suffer through such abuse, I have found healing in Him. I know He carries me, loves me, and encourages me to speak my truth through music and raw testimony. He hides me in the shelter of His wings, in the comfort of His grace, and I will never take that for granted.
We are WARRIORS and with God, we will always make it through the hurt.
God is no longer this far off guy who’s mad at me, but someone who loves and cares for me. I lean on him daily and trust that he is leading me.